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Showing posts from May, 2023

I can't remember the exact age I was when I met Stephen I just remembered he was a smart ass to me and we just went back and forth and a friendship just kinda blossomed. It's been years since I saw him and we met back up at Floyd's retirement party we spoke and he asked questions about Anthony and clear ed something's up that Anthony has told me but I didn't know the extent of how deep it actually went. I gave him my number and we started texting off and on since the 30th of November. I finally got to understand who he is and what he's about. Needless to say he told me how he was attracted to me and how he wished he would have said something.. deep down I wished he would have said something as well. How things could have been different. This last week we really started going back and forth texting or calling each other him telling me how beautiful I am. Which is something I didn't realize I really needed to hear. Unfortunately we got caught up on getting to know one another that I didn't even pay attention that he in fact had a girlfriend. How could I forget I actually met her at the party. Lord knows I have nothing against her I only said hello and gave her a hug. But how can you start talking to someone find out that you have alot in common, are able to speak about this shit Anthony out you through just to not be able to do anything about it. Why do I continuously put myself in these situations. I had to tell him today that we should put some distance between he and I was far as communication, because it was really getting deep, well maybe that was just my interpretation of the situation. Last thing I wanna find out was that everything he told me was just bullshit. For once in my life I wanna be able to whole heartly trust my every ounce of my being.. for ONCE!! BUT I think I only have myself to blame in this situation, I wish I could just put a wall up permanently so I don't get hurt my heart and feeling don't get hurt. I'm tired all the time. And I'm scared that I'm gonna end up alone. Or worse that I end up meeting another Anthony and I won't know it before its too late. Maybe I'm just me t to be single.. and my only companship will be with Oscar and Bentley once the kids up and leave.. but that just feels like a sad ending and I don't want there to be an ending I just want to share my life and go on adventures experience life, and enjoy one another.

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The beginning of the lies . I'm happy beyond measures. After 20 years I have been able to finally get you in my life. When we first started talking, I didn't know what to expect or what direction things were going to go. I took a leap of faith in expressing my true feelings to you not knowing how you were going to accept it. To my surprise you accepted very well and in return you expressed your feelings to me too. Despite all that you have been through, you have opened up your heart to me and have given me the chance to show you what a real love is suppose to be and look like. Like you, I "absolutely hate" the distance between us but it's something we have to work with right now. It gives us the chance to learn more and more about each other. So to answer your question, I'm beyond happy. I thank you for giving me the chance to love you and you in return love me back.

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